When He Left
by Maxenby
Summary: Tonks is unsure of how to tell Remus that she is expecting, and unsure of how he'll take the news. We all know he leaves, and what he does in that time- but how does she cope without the love of her life? How does she forgive him? Rated T for safety.
1. Telling Him

Her stomach was unsettled, which wasn't surprising considering the life growing inside her. She had been feeling off and throwing up occasionally for weeks, and had put it down to the stress of war time, and of not knowing what was going to happen or what she was going to need to do in the next few hours, let alone the next few weeks. She had never thought of herself as someone who wanted a stable and predictable life, but now that she had the opposite of that she saw the appeal of heading into the same office everyday, and doing the same work, and coming home at the same time everyday to her husband who she absolutely adored.

"What are you thinking about?" A voice interrupted her train of thought.

"Huh?" She questioned looking up at her husband.

"I said- what're you thinking about. You look worried, Dora." He repeated his question, placing his hand on her arm.

"Oh, nothing really. Just thinking about what we have to do tonight." She wasn't really lying, she was thinking of the future after all. She smiled and pulled the hand he had on her arm around her until he was leaning almost off his chair, with an arm around her shoulders.

"And what's that?" He asked shuffling his chair closer to hers.

"Well, dinner is almost ready so we should probably eat," She explained half jokingly, her stomach was turning at the thought of eating anything but she didn't want to worry him more than he already was. "And then we should do the dishes, and spend some time together because for once we haven't been called to anything for the order and we should take advantage of that." _Plus,_ she thought, _I have some big news that you should probably hear._

"That sounds like a rare normal night in for the Lupins," he was smiling, happy to get to spend some time with the woman he loved, "Perfect."

The timer on the oven buzzed and she got up, and began serving their dinner on the mismatched and chipped plates. Careful not to drop anything she slowly carried their plates over and sat them in front of Remus and herself, sat down and began picking at her food working up the courage to tell him and praying that the response wouldn't be as negative as she feared it would be. Her colour drained slightly with nausea before she morphed it away, hoping he hadn't noticed her turning green.

"You're not hungry?" He asked her his brows knitting together in worry and confusion, he had never known her to not be hungry- it took a lot of energy to morph herself and so her metabolism was fast and her appetite was big, that was the theory behind why she ate more than anyone he'd ever met, anyway.

"Not really," she sighed pushing her food around her plate. She knew she had to tell him and wasn't one hundred percent certain of how to say it, or of how to reassure him it would be okay when she was so worried herself. "I guess I'm not feeling great," was all she managed to say.

Remus narrowed his eyes at her, he was always able to tell when she was lying, or keeping something from him. "Dora…" he started, he hated when she kept things from him, he knew he sometimes got overly worried but that didn't mean that he didn't want to know when something was bothering his wife.

"Well…" she started, feeling even more like she was going to be sick, she swallowed and hoped he couldn't see the fear in her eyes, or the nausea on her face, "I don't quite know how to tell you this. Please don't freak out- I mean yes it's going to be a big change but we can handle it, I think, and I know the timing isn't ideal but it's not like theres any guarantee that the timing will be any better later-" She was rambling, trying to reassure him of everything that could possibly go wrong before she had even told him what was happening.

"Dora," He interrupted her, "What's going to be a big change?" He asked somewhat hesitantly, weary of what her answer could be.

"I'm pregnant," she spoke softly now, waiting for him to react. She was met with nothing but stunned silence for what felt like a lifetime. "We're going to have a baby." She wanted to smile and for him to smile and more than anything she wanted him to say something.

He could feel the colour drain from his face as his mind went blank. He didn't know what to do or to say, and he certainly didn't know how to feel. He sat in silence, hardly moving and barely breathing, trying to let his brain catch up with reality. How could this happen? They had been so careful, well more careful than any married couple he'd ever known. He locked eyes with her and could see how frightened she was, he never wanted to make her feel like this and the fear in her eyes only reminded him that he was after all a monster, no matter what she said or did to prove otherwise. Even if he was human right now, he saw himself as the worst monster imaginable. To make someone who loves you so much be so frightened…

"Please say something." She was barely whispering now, but still the sound of her voice pulled him out of his spiralling thoughts.

"I… don't know." He said simply, and without any explanation.

"What don't you know?" Tonks was leaning closer to him, "We can work this out together, we can-"

"We can what, Dora?" He asked, furious with himself for letting this happen, "We can sit by and watch while I ruin lives yet again?"

"Remus, don't-"

"No, this is my fault. I knew this was the risk of letting myself be happy. I should have let you move on from me, I should have just watched you marry someone else. But I was selfish and now I've ruined everything." He was standing now, suddenly sure of what he needed to do. "I have to go."

"No, Remus, please stay. Talk to me," she was pleading with him, trying to talk sense into him. "You haven't ruined anything, I want this. I want you."

"I know you want this, and I want more than anything to be able to stay but I can't, I can't continue to risk your life."

"We need you, what if I don't know what to do? What if-" She stopped, not daring to say what she was thinking, knowing it would only make him more upset. She wished she could take it all back and not say anything at all.

"What if it's like me?" He finished the question for her, he realised for the first time that maybe this child would be like him. "Then I have ruined your life, put your life in danger, and condemned a child to live a life like me. If it's like me I will have to care for it on my own, and you won't have to share my burden." He felt as though his heart was beating out of his chest.

"Remus, it doesn't matter to me if they're a werewolf. I love you and I'll love them. But I can't do this on my own." She was fighting back tears, knowing that once she started crying she wouldn't stop, she wouldn't be able to convince him to stay.

"You won't have too, I will raise the child. You can pretend we never existed."

"I can't do that," tears were filling her eyes. "If you leave, you are not taking my baby with you."

"Fine," Remus was speaking with a quiet intensity, his voice was low and steady. "But I can't stick around and watch you have your life ruined." She knew she couldn't make it okay, she couldn't make him stay and finally she started crying.

He was walking towards the door now and heard her shouting behind him, not able to focus on what she was saying he left as she sunk to the kitchen floor.

AN: I haven't written anything in nearly 10 years, so I'm a little rusty. But I've been thinking about Remus leaving and how that happened and what happened between him leaving and coming back for a long time and I thought I'd give it a go.

Thanks for reading!


	2. The Morning After

Nymphadora Tonks sat sobbing in the middle of the kitchen, he had walked out. Over and over she ran the whole conversation in her mind trying to find any point she could have stopped it, calmed him down and kept him here and safe. She shouldn't have waited so long to tell him about the baby, she had known for over a week and had tried to wait for the perfect time to tell him- the perfect time didn't come, and she let it slip over dinner only an hour ago. And now he was gone. She placed a hand over her stomach and felt a pang of regret, she could have gotten rid of the baby with a potion before he ever needed to know and she would still have him here, loving her. They were so happy, and this tiny thing- only 6 weeks along- destroyed that in an instant.

She knew she would never get rid of the baby, she loved it already- and her anger directed at her stomach subsided as quickly as it appeared. She mentally apologised to the tiny thing, adding that she would do whatever she needed to do to keep it safe, both in and outside of her. Her crying, she realised, had slowed to a manageable flood of tears and hiccups. She fell asleep on the floor that night, afraid to move and go to bed because of the slight hope that this was not real, she was dreaming and moving would cement this, one of the worst nights of her life, in reality.

Her nightmares woke her before the sun and she scanned the room for any danger before realising where she was. Slowly she stood and looked for any sign that Remus had returned, thought through his actions and realised that she needed him here, especially now. He hadn't and her heart sank. She put the kettle on, subconsciously sticking to her morning routine even in the midst of her life falling apart, her mind racing with uncontrollable trains of thought. She pulled out one mug instead of two, and made tea. While waiting for her tea to steep she found herself checking the calendar- an order meeting tonight where she would have to front up alone and either make some excuse as to her husbands absence or tell the truth and have to face the fact that he might never return.

She felt sick, partly- she was sure- because of the morning sickness and partly because of the anxiety over being alone. She took her tea carefully to the front porch, making sure her wand was still in its holster by her side in case she should have to defend herself. She sat in Remus' chair, where he would spend hours reading or playing chess with anyone who would have a game with him and she waited. She wasn't sure whether she was waiting for the sun to fully rise over the horizon, waiting for the familiar shuffling footsteps of the love of her life to trudge up the paved walkway to her front stairs embrace her and apologise, or waiting for some sign that last night had in fact been a dream and for Remus to come out of the front door and tell her to get out of his chair. It had been a morning ritual when they were first married, she would wake up first - always used to early starts because of her job as an Auror- make tea for both of them, and sit in his chair keeping his tea warm with her wand until he finally sleepily shuffled out of the bedroom. He would always grumpily and of course jokingly tell her to move out of his chair, once he had sat down he would pull her into his lap and they would read the paper together. It had been her favourite part of the day, and they would still occasionally find the time to read together, but once the ministry fell they found themselves busier with the order and increasingly stressed, too stressed it seemed for their little games. Not that they never had any fun, she thought to herself, she was pregnant after all and that was the result of something fun that they managed to do quite frequently.

The sun finally up and shining in her eyes pulled her out of her daydreams, and she stood, checked the security charms on the house, went inside and started getting ready for the day without knowing exactly what she was going to do. She knew she could go out and try to look for Remus, and convince him to come home, if only for a few hours, long enough to pack some things and sort out some accomodation where he could be out of harms way. Though once his mind was made up it was hard and sometimes impossible to change that- she remembered how hard it was to convince him that he was worthy of her love, and that it was okay to love her back. It was too dangerous out on the streets right now anyway, she shouldn't go out alone- no one should. And besides she wasn't sure she could handle him walking away from her again.

She was sitting on the couch now, lost in thought and feeling sick with worry. She knew she had to have something to eat, she had to keep her strength up and she was eating for two now after all. Still she sat on the couch without moving, she was exhausted from a night of fitful sleeping on the kitchen floor, exhausted from stress and worry, and exhausted from pregnancy. Her eyes fluttered shut and she soon fell asleep, her dreams were of Remus finding himself in danger. One after the other her brain threw scenarios at her- Remus battling death eaters, Remus being caught by snatchers, Remus without his wolfsbane potion-

She snapped awake, sitting upright. He had forgotten his potion when he had left in a hurry, they had a few months worth of it stored at the moment- she went to check the potions cupboard, hoping to see one bottle missing- they were all there.

"Fuck." She swore, closing the cupboard door a little too hard and hearing the vials stored inside bump against one another without breaking. When would he learn to take care of himself? With a full moon due to appear in two days her head buzzed with concern, when she did see him again she was going to lecture him on the importance of taking care of yourself- especially when people needed you.

The rest of the day passed slowly, she picked at some fruit and she sat and waited hoping that he would come home in time for the meeting tonight. He didn't. And now she was running late, and trying to come up with something to tell her friends and fellow Order members. If she told them he left because she was pregnant they would all know she was pregnant and stop her from doing anything interesting or helpful in the order. If she said he just left they would be angry at him for leaving his wife and for missing a meeting with no good excuse. She weighed up the options, and wasn't sure which outcome was most favourable.

She apparated to the previously disclosed location, and was greeted by Arthur Weasley with wand drawn.

"Where did you marry Remus?" He asked her security question seriously.

"A small town in the north of Scotland." She replied shortly, regretting coming already. The mention of his name had her ready to cry again, and she knew if anyone tried to hug her she would be a sobbing mess again. "What colour was my hair when you first met me?" She asked his security question mostly because she knew he was expecting her too.

"It was a lovely shade of sky blue." He replied, cheerful. He was happy that for once someone had remembered to ask a question back at him.

"You got it." She replied, trying to match his enthusiasm and cheer, but failing miserably.

"Very well," Arthur smiled at her now, "Come inside then, we're still waiting on a few people so grab a bite." He motioned for her to go through the door, on the other side she could hear people talking and laughing.

She loved how they could still laugh at times like these, and ordinarily would join in. She scanned the room looking for a quiet corner to hide in, and avoid questions until the official meeting began. Quickly making her was over to the far corner of the room, she tripped and fell pulling the focus of the room to her. She stood up, and began dusting herself off when she noticed Molly hurrying her way. Always the mother figure Molly liked to make sure Tonks wasn't injured after every fall.

"Tonks!" She called after Tonks turned the other way, she had surely seen Molly and swiftly turned and began walking in the other direction.

"Wotcher Molly." She said as she turned back to Molly, readying herself for one of Molly's bone crushing hugs and telling herself not to break down.

"Are you alright, dear?" Molly asked earnestly as she pulled Tonks into her arms.

Tonks knew that it was all over the moment those words left Molly's lips, she began to quietly cry into Molly's shoulder and was ushered into another room as soon as Molly noticed the tears. Molly pulled out a tissue and handed it to Tonks.

"What's happened, is everyone alright?" Molly was worried, the sight of Tonks- brown hair, tired eyes, the tears- and the lack or Remus made her fear the worst. She waited patiently for Tonks to calm herself down.

"Yes everyone is alright," Tonks began to explain. "Well I mean I think so. Please don't overreact-"

Molly huffed slightly at this statement, she didn't understand why everyone thought she would be the one to overreact. She could admit she had a slight temper, but she was always justified, she believed, in her reactions.

"I'm pregnant, and Remus left last night. I don't know where he is." She spoke quietly, trying not to cry again.

A/N: Let me know how you're liking this story so far, I'm going to try and update pretty regularly as long as people are interested.


	3. Just Surviving

"I just don't understand what he's thinking," Molly had been angrily rambling about Remus' actions for a good few minute, and though Tonks had a few things to say she knew Molly well enough to know that interrupting her at this point was futile. "Leaving his wife, leaving behind his unborn child, surely he knows that you need him now more than ever. Surely he can't be so stupid as to think that this is better for anyone involved."

Molly paused for breath, and Tonks took her chance to be heard. "He's just doing what he believes is best. I shouldn't be surprised that he's running away because that's what he's been forced to do his whole life, it's how he copes with things and the only way he knows to keep himself from getting hurt. If you're going to be angry at anyone Molly, get angry with me. I knew to be careful, I knew that it wasn't a good time to get pregnant and we had talked about having kids and agreed that it wasn't worth the risk- having him with me is more important to me than having children and I should have kept track of things and made sure it didn't happen. I slipped up, I wasn't careful and now he's gone." She was angry at herself, and she was upset with him for leaving. But, she thought, she deserved everything that was happening. She was holding back tears again, trying to make her point and be heard. He shouldn't be punished for doing what he thought was the right thing.

Molly was stunned into silence, and felt tears beginning to appear in her own eyes. She was nothing if not maternal and all she wanted to do was wrap the Tonks in a blanket, make her some tea and make it all okay again. She had known the young witch since she was an 11 year old, she had been best friends with Charlie and often was hanging around the burrow. Molly thought of her as one of the family. "Oh honey," She was wrapping her arms around Tonks now, "No, this isn't your fault. No one could know how he'd react."

And just like magic, the tears that Tonks was so determined on stopping broke free and she was crying again, she was so sick of crying. "Please, don't tell anyone. I don't want a fuss made over me, and I'm not ready to tell everyone about the baby." She choked out between tears. She knew she would have to tell people sooner or later, and that it would be safer for her and for the child if they knew. She knew they would all protect her as if she was family, and they certainly wouldn't assign her any dangerous missions. "I'll just sit in the back, and leave as soon as it's over."

Molly thought for a minute about what Tonks was asking of her, not agreeing with her decision but knowing how fragile the usually tough auror was right now she found herself nodding her head. "Fine, this can stay between you and me. For now. But you need to tell everyone eventually, and if you accept any mission that puts you in danger I can't promise I won't speak up."

"Thanks Molly." Tonks pulled herself out of the embrace, and wiped at her eyes trying to get herself under control enough to join the rest of the order at the meeting that was about to begin in the other room.

"And," Molly continued speaking. "I think you should stay here tonight. I don't like the thought of you being alone right now."

"My place is just as safe as yours, Molly. We have protection spells cast all around the place, I'll be fine. Besides I need to stay at home in case-" She stopped herself from completing her sentence.

"If he comes home and you aren't there, this will be the first place he checks." Molly was being insistent. "Well, here or your parent's house." Tonks visibly flinched at the mention of her parents, and Molly instantly knew something was going on there. "You haven't told them yet, have you?"

"Well, I, well," Tonks stammered, she knew her mother should have been the first person she told, but she couldn't bare the thought of going telling her mother, not yet. Molly had gotten mad at Remus, and her Molly's temper was nothing compared to Andromeda who had inherited the full force of the Black family temper, and none of the Black family malice.

"Nymphadora Tonks," Molly used her full name, just as she would have when she was younger and her and Charlie had caused trouble or gotten into mischief at the burrow. "I can't believe you haven't told your own mother. I can't imagine how I would feel if I were the last to find out that one of my children was expecting."

"One; it's Nymphadora Lupin now, if we are going to be specific. And two; I'm not ready to admit to them that I'm pregnant in the lead up to a war and my husband has left me." She was being slightly cheeky, despite feeling the exact opposite of that. "I'm giving him a chance to come back before I unleash the full wrath of my mother on him."

Molly couldn't argue, Tonks was a grown witch and, she reminded herself, capable of taking care of herself now. "Very well," she backed down, not wanting to argue with someone who had been through enough these past few days, "if you need anything at all you know where I am."

"Thank you for understanding," She truely was grateful for everything that Molly had done for her through her life and especially the last few years, and grateful to know that Molly would be there for her. "We should probably head back in there, we wouldn't want to miss anything." She stood and head back into the other room, rejoining the other order members.

She sat through the meeting and tried her hardest to focus, but at every mention of how dangerous it was out there she couldn't help but feel a pang of sadness and worry that her husband wasn't safe next to her. She caught all of the most important points though, and could ask Molly for clarification later if need be.

The meeting now over she sat in her corner and waited for the group to thin a little before trying to make her escape- she didn't want to be caught on the way out by being asked how she was, how Remus was, or even where he was- she didn't really know the answer to any of those questions and everyone in the order knew her well enough to know when she was bluffing. The last of the group was standing in a circle on the other side of the room, and she knew now was her chance to get out. She stood, careful not to draw any attention to herself, and willed herself not to knock into anything or fall over her own feet.

Once out the door she breathed a sigh of relief, she was exhausted, she had survived the meeting and now only had to make it through the next few hours before she could sleep. She made her way home, on high alert- the meetings always made her a little more wary of being out on the streets, and it didn't help that she wasn't used to being alone anymore. Though maybe she would just have to get used it again, now that Remus was gone. For the first time she let herself think what would happen if he never came back, she wasn't sure she could ever get used to being without him. She was crying again as she arrived home and unlocked the door, without thinking she checked the protection of her home, setting a few extra spells in place and hoping that would be enough to help her sleep soundly.

She then set about making herself a tea and looking for any sign that he had been home, while the kettle was heating on the stove she checked the potions cupboard again- no wolfsbane had been taken since she last checked. This meant he was still out there, the full moon drawing nearer, with nothing to ease the transformation. The kettle boiled and she made her tea, sitting on the sofa she sipped it slowly, trying not to think about how much danger he was in.

Exhausted, lonely, and slightly nauseous she placed her empty mug on the coffee table, summoned a blanket with her wand and lay down with her eyes closed. She fell asleep in an instant, comforted slightly by the thought that she would hear him if he came home.


	4. Unexpected Visitor

The days following the meeting passed in much the same way; she would wake on the couch, make herself a cup of tea, wait for him to come home, eat a little when she felt she could stomach it, wait some more, and finally she would fall asleep on the couch yet again. Each day that passed amplified the ache in her chest, and the worry that he would never come back. She could hardly tell what day it was, though she could tell you exactly how many days it had been since he left her. Each day passed by as slowly as the last, and the nights were filled with fitful sleep, nightmares featuring Remus being injured injured or worse plagued her every time she closed her eyes.

The night of the full moon was different, and much slower than the days surrounding it, she watched the sun set and was terrified. She was terrified for Remus and what this night would do to him, his transformations were always painful and without the wolfsbane that he had forgotten to grab as he exited hastily and ran away, she was sure it was going to be hell for him. She was terrified for the tiny life inside her, unsure of what each full moon would bring- there was no way to know if the baby was also a werewolf and so she placed her hands protectively over her stomach trying to shield her child from the moons power. As the moon rose in the sky she began to read one of the novels that scattered the apartment- Remus' favourite possessions- they were well worn and well read, with notes scattered in the margins. It was comforting to see his handwriting, and she lost herself in the pages of Moby Dick until the early hours of the morning. The moon was beginning to set and she had felt nothing out of the ordinary all night, the baby was okay so far, she fell asleep with one hand gently placed on her stomach and didn't dream at all.

She woke the next afternoon with an uneasy feeling in her stomach, more than the usual morning sickness, and sat up quickly. The room was spinning from the movement and her hand clasped over her mouth as her stomach lurched, she quickly made her way to the kitchen sink (it was much closer than the toilet) and began to heave into it- her stomach was empty and there was nothing to bring up, but that didn't stop her body from trying.

"I knew something was going on," A familiar voice came from the kitchen behind her.

Tonk's willed herself to stop throwing up, regained her composure much more slowly than she would have liked, and turned to face her uninvited house guest. She stood for a moment, not wanting to risk opening her mouth should she start retching again and took in the woman standing before her. "Wotcher," Tonks spoke carefully, she knew she looked ill and she knew she looked tired, and she was sure she looked sad and that was not how she would have liked her mother to see her. Especially considering she wasn't sure she wanted to tell her mother why she looked as run down as she did.

"Why isn't that husband of yours taking care of you?" Andromeda spoke hardly concealing her judgement, looking around the apartment at the weeks worth of dirty mugs piled around the sink and the general mess that was scattered through the house before letting her eyes land again on her daughter. She let the concern show on her face as she took in the pale, slightly green, and unusually brown haired girl in front of her.

"He's out," Tonks spoke, she had always been incapable of convincingly lying to her mother and so she was used to speaking in half-truths when she was hiding something. After all, he was out, she just didn't know where, for how long, or if he was going to come back.

Andromeda couldn't stand the mess a moment longer and with a flick of her wand the small kitchen began to clean itself. She sat at the end of the table as a teapot and teacups floated over to her, and poured perfectly brewed tea, she raised an eyebrow at her daughter, "Nymphadora, tell me what's wrong."

Tonks sat near her mother and pulled the second cup of tea closer to her. "Well," She began to answer the question without really knowing what she was going to say, or what she wanted her mother to know about her situation. "I'm pregnant." She settled on an honest truth that would hopefully explain her obvious exhaustion, and distract her mother from the absence of her husband.

Andromeda wasn't sure what to say, which was a rare occurrence, and simply pulled her daughter into her arms, hugging her tight. She was happy, she wasn't sure she was old enough to be a grandmother, but she was excited at the thought of having a baby to hold again- it had been a long time since Nymphadora was small enough to hold, and she had no other children- not for lack of trying- and just simply adored babies. Her excitement was somewhat dampened by the thought that it wasn't good timing, the start of a war was hardly the time to start a family, and she nearly said so, but bit her tongue knowing that her daughter wasn't stupid and wouldn't have planned this. "How far along are you?" She finally broke the embrace and the silence.

"Almost seven weeks," She answered, happy that her mother seemed to have taken the bait and dropped the subject of Remus. "So not very, but I've been feeling sick for a few weeks and I guess todays the day the morning sickness hit full force." She was sipping her tea slowly, trying not to shock her stomach, which was still knotting and unknotting in way that made her feel seasick.

"Have you made any appointments with healers, you need to check that everything is progressing normally," Andromeda's speech was gaining momentum as she thought of all the things that her daughter needed to do. "You should also really be taking some pregnancy potions, I'll whip some up for you this afternoon. Then theres baby proofing, and the nursery, and clothes and shoes and- oh, you and Remus are going to be so busy over the next few months. You must both be so excited!"

The mention of his name sent her stomach lurching again, and she fought to keep her tea down. What little colour she had left in her face had drained away, and she could feel tears rising again behind her eyes. If she cried she would give it all away, but the end of her mothers sentence hit her hard and she had no choice but to put her head in her hands to stifle the sobs that, without permission, came tumbling and crashing out of her.

Her sudden reaction shocked her mother, who simply put her arms around her daughter. Ordinarily she would be pestering her daughter for information, wanting to know why she was so upset, but she kept her mouth shut and let her daughter cry into her shoulder for a long while. Eventually the sobs began to subside, and made way for silence to fall over the room. Neither sure what to say, Andromeda gave her daughter one last squeeze before she stood from her seat and carried the teapot and teacups back over to the sink. Something was wrong with her daughter, she knew that much was true, and she began washing the teapot by hand while waiting for Nymphadora to tell her what was going on.

"Don't freak out," She started with a warning, knowing full well that it wouldn't stop her mother from freaking out. "Before I married Remus we had a long discussion about children," Actually it had been many discussions, "And we agreed that it was too dangerous." She thought that maybe if she explained the situation fully and calmly her mother would understand. "We agreed to be careful, and take all the necessary precautions, and well- I slipped up and," She motioned at her stomach to finish her sentence. "Remus and I had a falling out when I told him, and he's gone." She bit the inside of her cheek to keep from crying. Her mother looked at her with a puzzled expression. "I don't know when, or if he's going to come back." She finished explaining and braced herself for the explosion bound to erupt from Andromeda.

"I see." Her mother said simply, anger plastered across her face.

Tonks had expected her mother's reaction to be worse than Molly's, and was shocked at the lack of shouting or cursing- though that would undoubtedly come later. "Please don't be angry with him." She said quietly, wanting to fill the heavy silence between them.

"How could I not be angry with him," Andromeda's voice was also low and quiet, anger and disappointment was practically dripping off every word. "After all he's done to you. Hasn't he caused you enough grief?" Her words were controlled, evenly spaced and harsh, as though it took every ounce of energy she had not to yell.

"It's not his fault." Tonks explained shortly, growing annoyed with her mother for not understanding that she was as much to blame as him for all the grief.

Andromeda wasn't listening, her anger was spiking to new heights. She had never felt such fierce protectiveness of her daughter, and she had never felt the need to curse someone as much as she felt it now. "If I ever see him again," Her thoughts were coming out of her mouth without her consent, she needed someone to know that it was not okay to cross her, or her family. "I am going to make him pay for the pain he's caused," She was talking about him as though he had used an unforgivable curse against her daughter, in her mind what he did was just as bad.

"Mum, please." Tonks spoke over her mother, "I don't want you to hurt him, and I don't really want to continue this conversation." She rose from the table and walked out of the kitchen trying to signify that she was finished talking.

Her mother followed her into the other room, "Well, I'm sorry for caring about you. I'm sorry for not wanting you to get hurt." Her mother never handled this kind of thing well, Tonks had always thought it was because of her upbringing. She was surrounded by anger and sometimes by evil for her entire childhood. She wasn't evil, and though the threatened to hurt people occasionally she would never even think of it- the closest she had ever come to hurting someone was a harsh comment and a cold stare.

"That's not what I mean and you know it." Tonks was still short with her, but her temper was nothing compared to he mothers, and her anger was already beginning to wane.

"Alright," The older witch took a few calming breaths and did her best to conceal her anger. She knew it wasn't helping the situation, and she knew that she could rant and rave about Remus Lupin's stupid decisions and the pain he caused her daughter to her husband later that day. She would save it up, and let it out where she wouldn't upset her already fragile daughter. "I'm sorry. You need to eat. Let me make you some dinner while you rest, and then we can talk about you coming home for a while. At least while you're so sick."

Tonks didn't want to stay with her parents, her and her mother fought like cats and dogs, and besides she needed to be home in case something happened to Remus, or in case he came home. But was too tired to fight with her mother so she nodded her head in agreement and watched her mother walk into the kitchen and heard her begin to make dinner. A comforting smell soon filled the living room and all she wanted to do was curl up under a warm blanket and sleep for a while. It was exhausting being both heartbroken and pregnant.


	5. Exhaustion

Tonks pulled herself out of bed, she was still tired after sleeping all night, she was always tired. She knew that being pregnant was going to zap her of her energy, but the depression caused by the seemingly permanent breakdown of her marriage had twisted with the normal fatigue turning it into an unbearable heaviness. She would sleep most of everyday, and still was tired enough to fall into a dreamless slumber every night, sleep did nothing to alleviate the exhaustion and every moment she was awake she wished she wasn't. He had been gone for more than two months now and any anger she had towards Remus had waned, she hadn't the energy for anything other than keeping herself and her baby alive, and she worried sometimes that she didn't even have the energy for that. Each step felt like she was running a marathon, with a force pulling her back towards her bed and the comfort of not having to think, or speak, or move.

With impossibly heavy arms she slowly stripped her body of the clothes she had been wearing for however many days it had been since the last time she had been forced out of her house by one of her concerned friends, and looked in the mirror at her body- it was changing without her consent and that was unusual feeling for someone so used to being able to make herself look however she chose. Her hair was brown and messy, she hadn't remembered changing it from it's usual pink to her natural colour though it had been mousy and plain since Remus left, her skin was pale and had a sickly hue to it, she looked awful, fragile, and broken all once. She turned on her side and noted how her stomach was beginning to stick out from her thin frame, the baby inside was growing and she placed a hand gently over the small bump. She had been remembering to eat everyday only because of the nausea that worsened on an empty stomach, and because she was visited a few times a day by either her mother or Molly. Usually they would bring her food to her room and sit with her while she ate it, they had long given up on trying to coax a conversation out of her and so they sat with her in silence.

Occasionally they would ask her how she was feeling, "Alright." If her nausea had gotten any better, "A little." Or how she'd been sleeping, "Fine." Sometimes they would catch her up on things she was missing, news from the order, the weather, and she would give little or no indication that she was listening, let alone that she cared at all. In the beginning she had been hopeful any time she heard someone knock, or the door open, now she barely reacted at all and didn't dare to get her hopes up, fearing what would happen if she were let down again. She had stopped keeping track of the phases of the moon, not able to stand the reminder of him, and in fact found it easier to avoid going outside at all, especially during the night when there was a constant painful reminder of the man that broke her heart looming in sky.

She shuffled to the kitchen, her stomach twisting in knots from hunger and morning sickness, and put the kettle on to boil while she made a piece of toast. Standing in the kitchen, she looked around at how messy her small home had become, it was impossible that she had made all of this mess by barely leaving her room, and yet it was the messiest it had ever been. Her toast popped, and she barely heard it, thinking about how she would have to find the energy to clean, and dismissing the thought. The mess didn't bother her, especially as there was no one who was really going to see it. The kettle whistled and she poured herself a cup of tea, grabbed her burnt toast which was now cold, and moved to the living room. She had read through almost every book Remus had owned, and they scattered the coffee table and the floor, she kicked a few out of her way as she sat down on the worn leather sofa.

She woke several hours later, her half finished tea was cold and she took a sip to relieve the dryness in her mouth. It was afternoon, the light filtered in through the gaps in the drawn curtains and she looked around her living room once so bright and filled with flowers Remus had picked from the garden for her, it was now dull and gloomy, dead flowers still in a vase where he had placed them. She quickly averted her eyes from the reminder, and made a note to throw them away later knowing that she would forget and they would sit dead and decaying on the bookshelf until she noticed them again.

She heard keys rattling and then unlocking and opening her front door, Molly had cut a key for herself and several others once Tonks had taken to ignoring anyone who came to the door, and she waited for whoever's turn it was to check on her found her sitting in the living room, she knew she should call out and say hello but couldn't find the energy to call out, they would find her eventually anyway. She couldn't help but feel guilty that she had caused so many people to worry about her, but genuinely couldn't change the way she was acting. This was affecting her worse than the last time he had left her, which she didn't think was possible at the time, and she hadn't the slightest idea of how to pull herself out of it.

The visitor checked the upstairs rooms, knowing that she was usually sleeping, or at the very least pretending to sleep, in her bed. Then they came back down the stairs and into the living room. "Bloody hell." It was Charlie, he had been staying at the burrow more frequently to help with the Order and to help with checking on his school friend.

She looked up and saw, reflected in his expression, how awful she must look. She would have ordinarily been embarrassed to be seen like this, as proud as she was, but she didn't much care what anyone thought of her anymore. The only person who's opinion had mattered had left, and she didn't see the point in pretending to be okay.

"When's the last time you brushed your hair?" He asked half joking, it had been a while since he had been to check in on her and she looked somehow worse than the last time, which he thought was impossible.

She simply shrugged in response. He tried to smile at her but that just made the concern on his face even more apparent. He sat down gingerly next to her, half afraid she would crumble at the slightest touch, and looked her up and down once more.

"Mum told me to come 'round and make sure you eat something." He was honest, and produced a chocolate bar from his pocket, one of her favourites. He passed it to her.

She looked at it, she knew she should eat more but her stomach turned at the thought of chocolate- it reminded her too much of him- and she put it down on the coffee table. "I'll eat it later." She lied when he started to protest.

They sat in silence for a long time before he spoke again, he knew that she didn't feel much like chatting, but he needed to know how she was. He wanted to kidnap her and take her to the burros where she could be looked after, but the last time they tried to force her into staying anywhere but her own home she had gotten angry and refused to open the door to them for a week. "How're you doing?" He looked her in the eyes, "Honestly?"

She felt another stab of guilt, it was painful to feel anything when she had been numb for so long. "Honestly…" She didn't want to talk about, honestly she wanted to be left alone. But for the sake of her oldest friend she continued, "I don't know. I either don't feel anything but tired and numb, or it hurts so much I can't breathe. I think I prefer the numbness." She said, her voice flat and monotone.

At this he put his arm around her shoulder, he didn't know how to make her feel better, and wasn't sure that he could even if he did. "Maybe you should come out and have some dinner with me, leave the house for a while." He suggested weakly, knowing that she would never agree to it but needing to try.

She simply shook her head.

"Well at least let me go and bring some food back, we can have dinner together here." He didn't want to leave her alone like this.

She thought for a minute and nodded slowly, she would let him take care of her for a little while if only to ease his mind enough so that he would leave her to be alone again. "Sure." She hoped he understood that she wasn't up to a real conversation, and that she really wasn't much company anymore.

He had never been so angry with someone as he was with Remus now, he had heard from Molly how badly she was hurt by him before and never expected him to do it again, especially considering she was pregnant. If anyone knew where the man was Charlie would have gone and sorted him out, he would have dragged him back here kicking and screaming if he had too, however no one did and so he was left to feel useless and unable to help her. "What about a burger and chips?" He asked, he was hungry himself and would be glad to have a distraction and a way to help her, even if it just by feeding her.

"Whatever you want." Tonks really didn't care, whatever he brought back she would eat without complaining. She couldn't taste much through the thick haze of fog that clouded her anyway, and it would probably be good to eat a proper meal if only for the babies sake.

"Coming right up." He stood quickly and disappeared out the door, leaving her alone again.

Time passed so slowly for her that minutes felt almost like years without him. She wondered if she would ever feel normal again, she worried that she wouldn't. She worried that she would be like this for the rest of her life, and worried that she wouldn't be a good mother. As soon as she let herself worry, she worried about everything, and it was like in his absence she had taken on Remus' habit of worrying about every detail. And so she didn't let herself think about much at all in the hopes that the spiralling thoughts of catastrophes and what-ifs wouldn't surface and consume her again. They always found a way in no matter how hard she tried to ignore them, and she began to bite her fingernails- a habit she had picked up as a child and never really managed to drop especially considering that when she had bitten them nearly to the point of becoming bloody stumps she could morph her nails to be longer, and could chew them down again without ever injuring herself. At the moment however, she didn't have the strength to morph them back and so as she tore the last bit of her pointer finger nail off she tasted a him of blood before switching to pull the ends off of the rest of her already impossibly short nails.

Charlie returned soon after, and placed the meal in front of her. He began to eat and watched her carefully with every bite she took, glad to see her do something to take care of herself, even if it was under duress.

She ate as much as she could of the burger and chips, and pushed the last remaining bites away from her. He hadn't tried to start a conversation with her and for that she was grateful. "Thanks for that." She tried to smile at him, the resulting look was more of a sad twitch of the mouth and she gave up. Maybe she'd never smile again, she thought, more than worried that her child would grow up having never been smiled at by their own mother.

"No worries, Tonks. Anytime." He said and sincerely meant it. He packed up the rubbish from dinner and noticed how exhausted she looked. Judging by the bags under her eyes he knew he should leave her to sleep. "Well, I should probably get going." He hugged her gently. "I'm here if you need anything."

"I know, thanks again." She did know that any of her friends or family would be there for her if she would just let them, but she was more comfortable alone and sleeping and so she never let them stick around for long.

"Seeya." He called behind him, walking to the door, knowing that if he looked at her once more he wouldn't be able to leave her.


	6. Her Mission

The Order meeting was well under way, Kingsley was standing in the front of the room reading out various reports from the last lot of missions, and giving Tonks a glare and a pointed cough every time her eyes wandered, or she looked like she wasn't paying enough attention. It was vitally important to listen and take notice of everything that was being said, considering they weren't allowed to take notes or record the minutes, you could never been to careful when it came to Order security and if any information fell into the wrong hands the consequences would most likely be devastating. Still, she couldn't stop her mind from wandering, Kingsley was beginning to wrap up his speech and that meant that it was only a few minutes until the list of the dead was read to the group. Her heart was beating fast, and she felt sick with worry, her hand resting on her now rounded stomach, she couldn't help but hold her breath and wait for his name to be called.

Last time they read the list it was like she was being crushed with every name until it was announced that there were no more names today, and she could breathe again knowing that he was safe, or at least not dead. Tonks went to great lengths to avoid thinking about Remus, it was far too painful, and she was trying to regain some kind of life and be of some use to the Order, though as soon as that list came out she was consumed with worry and thoughts of him, alone and no doubt in great danger, he hadn't so much as communicated with a single member of the Order. She couldn't help but wait to hear of his death. She had stopped waiting for the knock on the door, or the sound of his footsteps up the path, the chances of him ever coming back and the chances of them ever being like they were had gotten smaller every day that he had been gone, but still she wanted him safe and alive, even if he wasn't safe and alive with her.

"Now, we are going to be shuffling a few of the missions around, so please listen carefully." Kingsley's voice rang out, and Tonks forced her attention back to him. He called out names followed by mission titles, with each of the witches and wizards being assigned a job before he pulled the dreaded list from his pocket.

She wasn't given anything to do, she could feel her temper rising, she knew she had taken a break for the last few weeks but she had spoken to Kingsley about being more involved again, she had specifically asked him to give her something to do. "Wait." She stood, and every pair of eyes in the room was on her. "What about me?" She needed to distract herself, she needed to be useful again, she needed him to give her a mission.

"We've discussed you're condition, and it's simply too dangerous. We can't have someone who's not at the top of their game out there, you'd be putting yourself and whoever we partner you with in danger." He spoke firmly.

"But I'm just as good as everyone here, and I want to help." Her voice was rising, her face was growing hot with anger and embarrassment, she hated people thinking she was weak.

"Nymphadora, we will talk about this after. Now if you'd let me move on-" He opened the folded piece of parchment.

"No," She interrupted him, her anger only multiplying at his use of her full first name, knowing she would regret losing her temper later but needing to change his mind now before it was too late and she would be stuck, useless and at home for another month. "Give me something to do, I'll do it on my own so that I don't _endanger_ anyone." She was practically shouting.

He turned to face her again, something unreadable in his eyes, "Fine. Your mission is to take care of yourself and your baby." He said plainly.

"I can take care of myself and help the Order." She replied without missing a beat, insulted that he would even think she wasn't able to do both.

"You haven't doing taking care of yourself very well lately," He replied, his voice softer now. "Merlin, look at you. You look ill, you're exhausted, Molly basically had to drag you out of bed to get you here. If you can't get out of bed of your own free will, you certainly can't be out on the front line battling Death Eaters."

She knew the argument was over, he was right, and now everyone knew how pathetic she was, she felt tears sting the back of her eyes, her face flushing only out of shame now, she nodded curtly and sat back down, wishing to disappear and, as much as she hated to admit it now, wishing she could go back to bed. Now no one was looking at her, and that felt worse than being stared at, everyone's eyes avoided hers and they waited for Kingsley to begin speaking again.

He read through the list, occasionally someone in the crowd would shake their heads as though they couldn't believe that another person had died. She hadn't realised that she was digging her nails into the palms of her hands until he folded the list and put it away, Remus had survived another month and she could relax a little. After a moment of silence for fallen friends, relatives, and strangers, the crowd began to mill around, catching up with each other, knowing that with the danger that they faced everyday this may be the last time they see their colleagues. Molly brought out some food for everyone, and Tonks sat inspecting the angry red marks she had dig unto her palms, the smell of the food made her stomach simultaneously rumble and turn. She sat for a moment thinking about whether to try to eat a little dinner, and wondering if she would be able to keep it down before Kingsley appeared in front of her with two plates of food, placing one in front of her and sitting down across the table facing her.

"I'm sorry," he began, "I should have talked with you about this privately before the meeting." He was sincere and pushed the second plate closer to her, silently encouraging her to eat something.

She began to pick apart a piece of bread, "No, I'm sorry. I should have known that you were just trying to keep me safe. I'm sorry about my temper." She half smiled at him, and put a small piece of bread in her mouth. She didn't want to fight with anyone, especially not with Kingsley.

"Well," He thought for a moment before speaking, "I suppose that means we're still friends." He was smiling at her, while she looked ill and exhausted, she looked less sad and blank than the last time he had seen her, which he took as an improvement.

"Still friends." She smiled again at him, it didn't quite reach her eyes.

"I meant it though," He said between mouthfuls, and was met with a curious look from the witch opposite him. "Your mission is to look after yourself." He clarified.

"Well if it's a mission, I suppose I'd better accept and get to work." She said, taking a big bite of the potato from her plate. He smiled at that, and took the last bite of his own meal before he was called away to a different table, to answer some questions about something terribly important.

She ate slowly, she didn't want to upset her already fragile stomach, and decided she was going to start trying to get better. She was no help to anyone like this, and she needed to be as fit and healthy as possible, for both the Order and the child growing inside her. She stood up to clear her plate, and suddenly it was whisked away by magic, and disappeared into the kitchen. She supposed Molly had seen her about to carry a breakable object and had saved it from the clumsy witches grasp. She glanced around the room, locking eyes with a few of her friends, and waved goodbye to them.

She left the meeting feeling better than she had in a long time, and hoped that it would at least last until she went to sleep that night. Even though the trip home was uneventful she kept her fingers firmly grasped around the wand in her pocket, mad-eye's warning of constant vigilance had been burned into her brain during her training as an Auror, and again once she joined the Order, since his death she had felt it was particularly important to listen to his advice- after all, if someone as skilled and competent as him could be killed she certainly wasn't going to be immune to ill fate.

Upon arriving home she automatically checked her security spells, kicked off her shoes, dropped her bag in the hall, and began brewing a cup of tea. She pulled out a quill, ink, and some parchment and began to write a short letter, she addressed it to Andromeda and Ted Tonks, attached it to her owl and sent him off to deliver it. She hadn't written to her parents in a long while, and though her mother visited her almost every day she was always going on about how Tonks should write to them more. She drank her tea and rubbed her belly, silently promising the baby that she would do whatever she had to do to take care of them.

 **A/N: I didn't update this for a few days sorry! I'm trying to update with a new chapter every day but had a bit of a stumble, now I've planned out the next few chapters and should have them all up over the next few days! Please leave a review if you enjoy this fic, it helps to keep me motivated!**


	7. The Importance of Fathers

Tonks walked up the familiar front path, took the stairs two at a time to avoid the creaking third step, and knocked on the now faded and chipped front door. She remembered playing in the yard as a child, and falling down these very steps almost everyday, and she smiled. She had been smiling more often lately, the dark cloud over her had shifted a little and she felt more like herself than she had since Remus' sudden disappearance from her life. She heard the familiar shuffling of her dad's footsteps as he came to answer the door, and for a moment she worried about what her father might say to her about her absence, or about her husband. She was in a better mood, but she still felt as though she was breaking every time someone mentioned his name, every time someone would get mad on her behalf she felt as though guilt and sadness would take her over again. She bit her lip slightly and waited as she heard the several locks clicking, and finally the door opening, to reveal her fathers smiling face and open arms.

"Dora!" His voice boomed cheerfully and he pulled her into a tight hug. She tripped a little as he pulled her through the doorway, and the both of them would have fallen to the ground if he hadn't been so steady on his feet.

"Wotcher, Dad." She said warmly, and pulled out of his embrace. "How've things been?"

"Not too bad," He said rubbing his chin as he spoke, "But we've missed having you around, not much to do around here without you breaking things every few minutes." He had a mischievous glint in his eye, and a smile wider than Tonks could ever remember seeing. He was relieved to see her, and even more relieved to see that she was looking almost well.

"Well, I'm here now." She replied, "So what needs breaking?" Her hand was resting on her stomach and his eyes were immediately drawn there, seeing her rounded belly for the first time.

"Aren't you getting fat!" He laughed and rubbed her stomach, he was excited that he was going to become a grandfather, and it showed plain on his face.

"I know, I'm practically a hippo." She was joking with him like they did when she was younger, always making fun of themselves and each other. "Soon I'll be as big as you, old man."

"You're not wrong there, young lady." He rubbed his own stomach now, and tried to suck it in for comical effect.

"Are you going to invite me in," She questioned jokingly, "Or are you going to make your pregnant daughter stand in the hall all day?"

"Ah, I guess you better come sit then." He began to lead her to the kitchen, even though he knew that she knew how to get there.

There were pictures of their family all along the walls, photos of everything from Andromeda and Ted's wedding to Nymphadora's first day at school to her graduation from Auror training. She smiled again, it was nice that some things never changed. She sat down at the same kitchen table she had been made to eat dinner at every night, in the chair that was her designated chair. "Where's Mum?" She looked around, expecting to see her mother making them a pot of tea and serving some biscuits.

"She's out in the garden, I suspect she's lost track of time out there again." He smiled and looked out the window, Tonks' gaze followed his and found her mother in the back of the garden, tending to her plants and singing to herself happily- she was always happy in the garden. "I'll get her." He started to get up.

"No, it's okay. Leave her for a while." Tonks was reluctant to let anyone intrude on any moments of happiness, they were so few and far between these days.

Ted nodded, seeming to understand what his daughter was thinking and got up to put the kettle on. "Tea? Coffee?" He asked absentmindedly as he fetched the mugs from the cupboard.

"Tea, thanks. I can't have coffee anymore." She reminded him, besides she was generally more fond of tea, and used to only drink coffee after a hard night in the Order or at work.

He made the tea and carried it to her, before sitting down and taking a sip out of his own cup. They sat in contented silence for a few minutes, sipping their tea. He was enjoying having his daughter safe at home, and she was enjoying the familiarity of it all. He stood and walked into the other room, she could hear him shuffling about and looking for something, he was never very good at staying still.

"Oh, Dora, hello." The door to the back garden had swung open, Andromeda was standing with her a basket filled with vegetables, and ingredients for potions that she had grown herself. She seemed surprised to see her daughter, "I wasn't expecting you to come so early." She explained as she put the basket on the kitchen bench and moved to hug Tonks.

"That's okay, me and dad have been catching up." She motioned towards the other room, where the mumbling and rustling was coming from. "I think he's gone to find something to show me."

Andromeda smiled, he was knocking about in the room that was dedicated to his mess. She had always liked to keep a clean house, he had always had trouble keeping everything tidy and so to save themselves the fights she had given him a room that he could do whatever he wanted with. She was always laughing at him for losing one thing or another in there. "He'll be a while if he's trying to find anything. That room has only gotten worse lately."

"How are you, anyway?" She asked her mother.

"Oh, you know. Things are hard, and they're only going to get harder, you understand that. But we'll live, we always do." She smiled at her daughter, and for a moment her worry lines almost disappeared. "How about you? I hear you've been doing a little better?" She probed hopefully, she hated seeing her daughter so unwell.

"Yeah, I've been feeling a lot better. I can keep most of my food down now, which is a nice change." She knew that her mother was asking how she was doing on her own, but wanted to avoid the subject. She was coping better than she was a few weeks ago, although she still didn't like to dwell on it. "And I've started to show a lot more." She pulled her shirt tighter against her now rounded stomach.

"That's good," She was smiling even wider now, seeing the her daughters bump. She was excited to have a baby to hold again, and she knew Ted would just love to be a grandfather. "Do you know what you're having yet?" She had been asking Tonks to find out the sex of the baby for weeks, but Tonks hadn't been interested.

"No, and I'm not going to find out." At first she was waiting to find out until Remus came back, so that they could find out together, but now she quite enjoyed the thrill of not knowing.

Before Andromeda could argue her husband came bounding out of his room, "I found it! I knew it was in there somewhere." He placed a small photo album down on the table, "I thought you might like a copy of this now that you've got your own house and your own family."

Tonks picked it up and opened it to the first page, it was an album of her baby photos. The first page had her mother, looking worn out and completely in love, holding her at Saint Mungo's. "Thanks dad," She smiled, "This is so lovely." She flicked through a few more pages until her father laughed.

"Do you remember this?" He was pointing at a picture of her throwing a tantrum on the kitchen floor. She shook her head, she would have only been a few years old in this picture, but there was something off about the photo. "You had just started to be able to control your morphing, and you decided you wanted a biscuit off of the shelf. Your mother and I were in the other room and when we came in to check what you were doing-" He was properly laughing now, unable to finish the story.

"You had made yourself huge," Andromeda continued for him after a moment. "We came in and you'd eaten all the biscuits, but you couldn't figure out how to make yourself small again. Your father insisted on taking a photo, and by the time he had gotten back with the camera you were crying. It took you about six hours to calm down enough to change back. It wasn't very funny at the time, but looking back-" She laughed a little to herself.

Tonks looked at the photo again, realising how big she looked compared to the kitchen around her, and laughed a little at her younger self. They continued to flick through the book, occasionally making an odd remark about a memory, before they landed on the last few pages which were blank, which seemed odd considering the amount of photos her father had taken through her life. She looked up at him quizzically.

"We were saving the last pages for your wedding photos." He smiled sadly at his daughter, and she could feel her heart sink in her chest. She didn't want to think about her wedding, or her husband, she wanted to stay thinking about her happy childhood.

"But we weren't invited." Andromeda looked disappointedly at her daughter, she had made no secret of the fact that she was not happy about her daughter eloping.

"No one was," Tonks was eager to change the subject, she had fought enough with her mother over this, and was desperate to change the subject. "It wasn't safe. Or legal." She remembered the day as though it were yesterday, it hadn't been long ago that they had gotten married after all, and her heart felt as though it was about to break into a million pieces when she remembered how happy she was, and how happy he was, event though they couldn't have their friends or family there they had each other, and that was enough. She remembered the feeling of kissing him as her husband for the first time, and how they laughed and drank and danced the night away at the small pub in the North of Scotland. That was the happiest she had ever been, and it hurt to think she may never feel like that again.

Ted wasn't usually the most observant of wizards, though he noticed his daughter bite her lip, and go quiet, he understood that her marriage was a touchy subject. He wanted to make everything okay for her, he wanted to magic Remus back here, and make them forgive each other and move on. But he couldn't, and his heart broke for his daughter. "Now I s'pose we have room in there to put the first photos of you and your little one." He changed the subject, it was the most he could do.

Her attention was snapped back to the present at the sound of her dad's voice, and she made herself smile and nod. She was hit with a wave of fatigue, and wanted nothing more than to crawl into her bed and go to sleep, and that made her worry that perhaps she wasn't doing any better after all.

She stayed for dinner, and the conversation awkwardly flowed until it was time to leave. Her mood had impacted on what was supposed to be a good night, and she felt immensely guilty, it was enough that her parents had been so worried about her the past few months and this dinner was supposed to reassure them, but by the end of it she couldn't keep her head in the conversation long enough to reply to their questions and they ended looking more worried than when she arrived. "Well, I'd better be off." She stood to leave, hugging her parents goodbye.

"Wait," Ted was grabbing his jacket and putting it on, "I'll come with you. It's getting late and I don't like the idea of you going anywhere alone, especially at night." He held out his arm to his daughter, and she reluctantly took it, knowing he was going to escort her home whether she liked it or not.

"I'll see you soon." Andromeda spoke, and it was a command, not a question.

"Okay, bye mum. Love you." She nodded as she spoke, understanding that her mother wasn't going to let it be long between visits.

She made her way home with her dad, mostly in silence, and though she wouldn't admit it she was glad to have the company. He wouldn't be much help if they were attacked, and she was trained to defend herself, but still it was nice to have someone walk her home, his presence took the edge off of the nerves she usually had about travelling at night. By the time they arrived at her doorstep they had only exchanged a few words, and she was ready to hug him goodbye and go inside to bed.

"Do you mind if I come inside?" He asked as she got out her keys and unlocked the door. "I'm busting to use the loo." He hopped from one foot to the other for dramatic effect.

"Of course," She opened the door and let him inside, he hurried down the hall and up the stairs to the bathroom. She took her coat off and hung it by the door, pulled out her wand and started her nightly ritual of checking all the perimeter spells. Satisfied that her house was safe, she sat down in the lounge room and a moment later she heard him make his way back down the stairs.

"You know you really need to fix this carpet on the stairs," He called, and she begrudgingly stood and made her way to where she knew he was. "It's a real hazard. Especially for someone so easily effected by gravity."

"Okay dad, I'll get right on it." She rolled her eyes, the carpet had always been like that and she hadn't had an issue with it yet.

"I can quickly go home and grab something to fix this for you, it's no trouble." He was inspecting the loose carpet closely, mentally picking out the tools and supplies to fix it.

"No thanks, dad." She didn't want to be rude to him, but she did want him to leave so she could go to sleep and him fixing the carpet would mean she would have to be up for a few more hours. "I'll fix it first thing tomorrow." She promised, not intending to follow through with it at all.

Ted looked at her, and thought for a minute. "Okay well, if it's not fixed next time I come over-"

"It will be, don't worry." She cut off his threat.

"Okay," He seemed to believe her, and moved to the door. "Goodnight Dora, remember we're here if you need anything."

"I love you too, dad." She smiled back at him.

"And for the love of Merlin, please remember to-"

"Fix the stairs, I will. Goodnight dad." She gave him one last hug and he left. She locked the doors and went straight upstairs and fell into bed kicking her shoes off, not bothering to change into pyjamas. She turned out the light with her wand, and lay in the darkness for a few minutes.

She was lucky to have a dad who was so kind, she thought to herself as she settled in to sleep. He had always done whatever he could to make her happy, and she was grateful for everything her parents had done for her. Her hands found their way to her stomach and she wondered whether she was cut out to be a mum, she had never really planned on having kids, and though she vowed time and time again to try her best and to keep the child safe she doubted herself. _Remus would have made an excellent father,_ the thought popped into her head before she could stop it. It was true though, Remus always knew what to do, and he was so gentle and kind, and so loving. She felt tears spring to her eyes, she missed him and more than anything she was heartbroken that their child would grow up without knowing their father.

 **A/N: I meant to have this up a few days ago but I'm sick, so sorry about the delay. Please review if you enjoyed it!**


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